dyslexic poetry

2011-04-23T04:42:00.000-07:00

2011-04-23T03:24:00.000-07:00

2011-04-23T02:59:00.000-07:00

Ok...so there goes my grand plan of updating this once a year. I've decided to start this again for a coupld of reasons.

First off, I think I need to do more self reflection so there's going to be more well, reflection (duh?) and not just reporting. Would insights be a better word to use? Anyway, it all started with a conversation with the girlfriend and she was asking me what I really want out of life and I couldn't answer her. Saying that I just want to be happy just isn't going to cut it. So that got me thinking that I haven't been thinking about stuff like that for a really long time which is odd considering that I'm doing my MBA now and an immediate concern is what the hell I'm going to do after I graduate.

Speaking of which, I'm doing my MBA at Nanyang Technological University. The girlfriend decided to keep working while I do my MBA so I had to stay in Singapore to do it. I was planning to apply for INSEAD but the NTU deadline was sooner so I applied for that first and the next thing I knew, I was in. Didn't even get round to filling in the INSEAD application.

This brings us to the next reason why I'm doing this. There was a subject in school called Value-Based Innovation taught by this great Isreali professor, Shlomo Maital and in that course, he spoke about having an innovation toolbox. I had to write a short paper on my own personal toolbox. There was an example of keeping a notebook handy to take down any ideas at any time and to keep interesting articles etc and looking through that notebook to get ideas or inspiration for innovation. This was a few months ago so I'm a little hazy on the details.

Anyway, I'm going to just dump any ideas and links to interesting articles or videos here especially all the stuff that people share on facebook. Some might be quite interesting and thought provoking but some are just plain funny. Whatever catches my fancy..not that anyone's reading this anyway.

I'll try to update this at least once a week...or at least post something new.

2009-07-09T00:36:00.000-07:00

so wow, it's been like 4 years since I've updated this. I just realised that the date on the first post is wrong. that was done back in mid-2004...hence the hiatus of a year statement in the last one.

so anyway, wow...4 years! Odd that it's happening in July again isn't it? i'm just so bored at work now. i literally have nothing to do right now! i could of course sort out my email, clearing/archiving etc but that's just too tedious.

so here's a quick recap of what's happened in the last few years:

1. i am no longer in PR, doing corporate communications now.

2. i am attached! got me a girlfriend early this year. she's just great...smart, good looking, totally gets me...just kinda insecure and paranoid but it's all good. i love her to bits and we've even applied for a flat.

3. i am hanging out with a new bunch of guys. the brothers from other mothers so to speak. they're loads of fun and i have changed quite a bit cos of them. in some ways for the better and in some ways for the worse. apparently i speak with an indian accent now...which is odd considering none of them are indian.

4. i am a guitar hero hero. i fix guitar hero instruments in my spare time. and yes, i play the game too.

5. i am going to do my mba next year. the girlfriend's coming along.

6. i am the uncle of two lovely girls. eugene now has a daughter joelle. she's 2. she's a crybaby but she soooo sweet when she's not crying.

7. i am happy that my mom's better. she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

8. i am driving a blue swift.

9. i am a fan of armin, tiesto and other trance music.

10. i am playing texas hold em these days. but then again, haven't played in about a month i think.

so i think that's enough for now, i might start doing this more often...say once a year?

2005-07-24T18:35:00.000-07:00

so, i'm back after a hiatus of almost a year. then again, can it be considered a hiatus if i've only got one entry? been busy at work and never really found the impetus to carry on blogging. decided to come back on cos i'm just bumming at home today. don't know why there wasn't tennis this morning. my neighbour usually gives me a call to wake me up for it but there wasn't a call this morning so i'm guessing there wasn't a session today.

so here i am, writing this and wondering where i'm gonna get my lunch. the heat is just oppressive and my brother took the car out so i'm just a tad bit reluctant to leave the house in this weather. but maybe i should just make the most of it and go for a swim later. have to head down to the police station anyway. in case you're wondering why i've got to do that, no...i didn't commit a felony; what happened was that my parents are out of town. they're over in europe on holiday. dad's recently retired and mom's doing the same later in the year so they're just enjoying themselves now seeing as that i'm their only liability left. both older brothers are married and settled, one's even a dad now! everyone say hi to baby tricia...

so anyway, i digress. back to the whole police station thing. drove to work the other day cos i had a meeting at sph in the morning and it was just too much hassle to make my way down and parked along purvis street. came down to the car later that night after i finally got off work and saw this post-it on my side view mirror.

so i went to make a police report and the problem was that i didn't have the car's certificate of insurance. went back again and realised that the one in the car was expired. couldn't find the damned thing so i had to call the insurance company to send another copy but i was just so busy with work that i didn't have a chance to do it til earlier this week and the form's only just arrived.

so now i don't really know what to say anymore, wondering if i should dump everything that's happened over the last year all in one entry. perhaps i should just do a quick update in cronological order. in reference to the last entry, i'm over that girl. she's back with the ex and they're happy. so that's good. big brother eugene got married. mom suffered from an aneurysm, got us pretty worried for awhile but she's alright now. 2nd bro ernie's a dad. dad's retired...more like lost his job cos his company got bought over but it worked out great cos he got a big fat golden handshake so he decided to take an early retirement. the company that bought his company over offered him a job but he declined cos it didn't pay enough, he's thinking of setting up his own manpower/headhunting firm with a friend, i don't know what the status with that is. and finally, i just got promoted...i'm a senior ass now, ok, senior associate. just so you know..an associate in my agency's the equivalant of an account exec.

so i spent most of the weekend playing mahjong. took the day off on friday and played mahjong on thursday night. played again on friday night and on sat, got two smses in a row about mahjonging and i figured twice in a week is more than enough. even stood up ma sista da joker on thursday. was supposed to go down with her and my lover eugene. eugene and i decided to play mahjong instead. that's like the 2nd time we've done that to her. my bad...

so just in case you were wondering, "ma sista da joker" an oblique reference to the solitaire mystery by jostein garrder, and bob dylan's stuck in the middle with you where there's a line that goes, clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. here i am, stuck in the middle with you". she calls me her sister the clown. go figure. oh, and my lover eugene, we got stuck being labeled as lovers when the ex complained that i was spending more time with him than with her. and it stuck.

so i guess that's about it for now. maybe i'll post another entry sometime next year. in the meantime, let me leave you with a little something i did in the office when i was so tired of work one night.

ennui in the office

More on Grouper.com

2005-07-22T00:18:00.000-07:00

so it is...i've finally joined the legions of the undead bloggers. i could go on about the reasons why i'm doing this...maybe i need an outlet for my frustration, perhaps i need somewhere to just start writing again cos writing is part of my job now. do you think my boss will buy that if she catches me blogging at work?...but i'm just practising for when i have to write a press release...*innocent look* this is also the first time in weeks that i've got some time to spare at the office. just have some stuff to read up about a client cos i'm supposed to write the backgrounder on them but i started nodding off when i was reading it so i gave up and started doing the media follow-up on this press release we sent out yesterday...while writing this of course.

so, a quick intro for those of you who don't know me(hmm...then again, i don't even know who's gonna be reading this.) anyhoo, my name is esmond and... i'm lesbian...cos i like girls...go figure.

so anyhoo, i have no idea how thing whole blogging thing works cos it's never concerned me enough for me to find out. i've read a few friends' blogs and a few of the more interesting ones ppl have sent me links to but at the end of the day, if i want to find out about what a friend's been up to, i'd rather just give him or her a call and i'm not a big fan of reading about someone else's life...i don't even enjoy the "reality" tv crap they air on tv these days.

so i'd rather read about an opinion or a viewpoint rather than a diary of bloody events. but inspite of that, i will be talking about stuff that happens to me here cos at the end of the day, i'm writing this for myself and whichever unfortunate soul happens to come across this. how does this whole blogging thing work? are there ppl out there with nothing better to do than to trawl through blog after blog in search of an interesting read?

so not me, that is. talk like yoda, i am. keep this up, i can't. speaking of which, i could have sworn my boss greeted me with a "hi lah" this morning when she came into the office. this is the same boss who would scream at you for making an innocuous grammatical mistake in an email to the client. looks like i've converted or rather infected another person.

so ok, back to why i started writing this. it feels like i don't have anyone to talk to anymore...then again, it's not even that...it's just that i've been whining about the same thing for ages and i think they're kinda sick of hearing the same thing over and over again especially when i'm not taking any of their advice. it's about a girl. i really fancy her but she's still hung up over her ex. i really don't get why i'm so fixated about her...i mean, she cute and smart and nice, as in genuinely nice and not the fakey trying to be nice shit. that and she smokes and plays number ball(billiards) and mahjong! oh, plus she lives nearby as well. she's like my dream girl and all. but that still doesn't explain why i'm so crazy about her...i've only known her for a few months and yet i'm so affected by her. i seriously don't understand this fixation. maybe i just want what i can't have.

so anyway, the problem was that all this while, things hadn't progressed cos she's still in love with the ex but now it's also cos she thinks i'm obsessed with her and she feels pressured plus she's getting irritated by the fact that we spend so much time together and i'm comfortable with just doing nothing and just enjoying her company but that's not enough for her. then again, we haven't actually been spending that much time alone cos we're always playing number ball with my lover and max, jason too before he started work.

so my fag hag was telling me about the whole 2 ladder theory and how girls are only attracted to unavailable guys. the theory does hold true in this case i guess. or for me in general. i've never really tried to go after a girl before and i've never actually had trouble with women before or at least the not being able to get the girl type trouble until now. the mandy issue not withstanding cos that's a different matter altogether and i don't wanna open that can of worms.

so maybe that's it...the one time i actually try to get a girl, it doesn't work out. maybe i'm just trying too hard. the girls think she's just playing me for a fool and just toying with me but in her defence, she's always been very clear that she doesn't want to get into a relationship with me be it cos of her ex or cos she's not ready for anyone.

so things really came to a head last night when she found out that the ex's started seeing someone else so she got all upset and didn't have any fags on her. i did the only thing i could do and drove over with a pack.

so she was crying and all and asking why she's not getting over him. i just told her that she's never gonna get over him if she's not gonna allow herself to. she just refuses to let go. guess i was a tad bit too harsh about it and she got upset. i've been been there all this while when she's been trying to get over him and from my point of view, she's just not letting herself. she'll just keep finding excuses to give herself hope that they'll get back together again, the same thing's happening with a colleague of mine and it's the same with my ex as well. seems that my ex has moved on and that's good. i'd just like to thank my ex for leaving my life in shambles and wish her every happiness.

so i feel like a smoke right now but i've sorta quit. stopped buying since last wednesday. been bumming puffs off my friends and a couple of sticks here and there but on the whole, i think i'm doing pretty well considering the shit i'm going through with the girl and with my work. i think the whole big packs ruling here in singapore is ridiculous. have they neglected to consider the lighter smokers who used to get by just fine on a small pack of fags? and now with the large pack, we're forced to smoke so much more than we used to. double in fact. maybe the government should conduct a survey to see how many smokers have started to smoke more because of this. convenient isn't it? the way i just push the blame unto big brother when it's my own bloody fault that i'm an addict. yes, i suffer from an addiction. admitting it is the first step to quitting...i think. i feel that somehow or other, smokers can't bring themselves to admit that they're addicts cos of all the negative connotations that come along with it. it makes us seem weak and lacking in self control but that is a sad fact isn't it?

so i guess that's enough for now. It's 6.30 pm and i've been at this on and off for about half the afternoon in between doing work. was talking to a friend and she was just telling me that from a pure economic point of view, it's not worth it for bill gates to bend over to pick up a $100 bill cos of the opportunity cost and all. his time is worth more than a $100/sec apparently. I worked out that i earn about 17 cents a minute so this post has cost my company a few dollars in terms of my time...but then again, my time is worth more to the company than what i actually get paid. nevermind...don't even know what i started talking about that.

so i'm off for the day. and for the week actually. it's friday i'm in love!